Prone to Wander

Journal entry from 10/01/2015

Prone to wander- Lord, I feel it;

Prone to leave the God I love...

That's so true, so often. 

I was just reading Psalm 73. It's so easy to feel like fighting sin is useless and pointless. It's easy to say, "All in vain have I kept my heart clean." (Ps. 73:13) The world's ways look better, for the moment. They really do. It's easy to ask, "How can God know? Does He really care?"

But then I draw near to God, and my whole perspective is turned on it's head. Because God drew me to Himself when I was brutish and ignorant, like a wild animal toward Him. (v. 22) God does hear; He does know all I am struggling with; He does care. He is continually with me. He's holding my hand. (v. 23) He is guiding me on the road to eventual glory, where I won't ever sin again- I won't even want to! How amazing is that?! (v. 24)

When I draw near to God, it leads me to ask myself, "What do I really want? What do I really need?" All I have is Jesus, and Jesus is all I really want. (v. 25) But my flesh folds under temptation, and my heart is an emotional idol factory. I'm prone to wander. Prone to lose focus and lose self-control and lose discipline. "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." (v. 26) That's two-fold: God strengthens my heart though it's oh, so weak; and God is all that I have or need or could ever want. For all time. Por siempre. 

Those who stray far from God shall perish. It says so right here in verse 27. But then there's verse 28: "But for me it is good to be near God; I have made the Lord my refuge, that I may tell of all Your works." It is good to be near God. That's all I want, really. And when I'm overwhelmed by an onslaught of temptation, "I have made the Lord my refuge," and "God is the strength of my heart." He's here. He knows. He cares. He loves me. 

I want to be near God. I want to be so close to Him.